I’ve dreamt of taking you out past the cities, Driving until you realize that like these roads there are no ends. No matter how this stops or slows, you must always know we are Timeless, we’re only limited by ourselves. No death or life could ever come between us. I will be with you, I’ll be beside you with life and time dissolving in our eyes. How long before we can find purpose in this, The constant shifts in our lives, the perfect arrangement? We’ll always be a part of something greater than this, Something real, and I can feel it now. Where will we go when we finally leave here?

I won't let the greed take ahold of me. I have one weakness and it's suffering. Dying the slow death caused by the industry. I have a future it's bright and shining. This world can take away everything you have so easily, Sometimes the pressure to succeed it gets to me. I watched my friends go down, one by one, ignited by the flames of one thousand suns, but I know I won't burn out. Profits and schemes, they mean nothing to me. And will never be my priority. I listened to my father, regret the years. That he spent living in fear Of being down and broken. My frustration is finally spoken. Happiness is the key and your the lock that's holding me. Happiness is the key, and you're the lock. The lock that's holding me... I'm fucking through.

How many scrapped planes would it take To build a prison for running mouths? I'm America's most wanted silent, But baby you can keep me quiet About as well as I can take a hint. For me, the only right place/right time Are the ones in my obituary. Bear witness to the tragedy when you can, Our lives breed anxious caskets. I'm tying knotted finish lines, I'm cutting my own chord. Bear witness to the tragedy when you can, We're all patched up grievances, So change the channel to my replay while I drown with my sorrows. Take everything I have, 'Cause when I said I have love in my heart, I was a fucking liar, I aint got much at all. Bear witness to the tragedy when you can, I'm no good at being patient, But a hawk with hangman's talons Will hold my breath for me. I've been so bad, I'm a sinner, But I'm Godless, And maybe I'll miss this place When I'm in Hell. At least I won't have The false notion That things get better from here. God rest my soul. Purple petals Lead graveward, And I've never loved anyone so much As I've loathed for myself. How do I marry skin to razor? How will I know when my heart has stopped? What do we do with the corpses of the Men who couldn't cope? Bear witness to the tragedy when you can, I'm hellbent on being a lover, But every time I've ever tried Has dug another foot in the dirt. Bear witness to the tragedy when you can, What I need is a little stronger. Even the shadiest bars in town Won't sell me the right poison. I'll leave an ugly stain Of shame upon my family In my last will and testament.

Work and sleep. Wake up repeat. Work and sleep. No time to dream. We dig our own holes. We mark our own graves. We settle down. And slowly wither away. So complacent. So patient. We just sit and wait. For things to go our way. Growing up with expectations. That pave the way towards aspirations. It was all a sham. They lied to us. When they said we could be anything. Work and sleep. Wake up repeat. Work and sleep. No time to dream. Pressing callused feet hard again the sand. Only to get washed away. We work so hard and we endure. But we’ll never know for sure. If an impact will be made. Paranoia runs wild and anxiety’s high. Looking for a purpose. But we’re left to question why. We exist. Where’s the purpose in anything. We’re constructed to fit the mold. Our souls have been sold. Worker mules and slaves to time. 40 hour weeks keep us in line. Instead of living for ourselves. We just exist and we’re overwhelmed. And that’s not how things should be. I got to get away. I got to break free. Our souls. I got to be bold. And break the mold.

The world of dark magic is a crazy thing. When the black cat starts to dance and sway. The years of bad luck seem to melt away, And a little tiny boy that hides inside of you. Changes to a red when he was feelin’ blue. Like a wave that hits the beach and keeps the world in tune. Like a ray that hits the earth and makes the flowers bloom. The metronome swings a cycle near and far. From inches then to feet and then to miles apart. Your eyes, shrunk inside, keeps you blind, to their lies. Now you scream, for this seems, a real thing, it’s a dream. Your mistakes move this way under ladders now blocking your view. This mixed stray has six ways of keeping your soul from you. Now grab hold the cabs closed, it’s taking your head on a ride. This sick trip with quick whips, will take all you have to survive. This small pill, that once thrilled, broke strong wills, got you killed. Now you scream, for this seems, a real thing, it’s a dream.

When I woke and daylight cracked through the shades. A stare at the ceiling told me I’ve had nothing. I’ve got nothing but hate for myself reflecting the image of a petty affliction. Hell’s been calling and I’ve been dying to call back. I’ve got something to show for the years that I’ve suffered. Veins filled with liquor and a fist that’s bruised and broken. I’m confiding in a mind that’d opt to leave life with ease. September’s singing, bury me deep unloving. I’ve got nothing but hate for the days when I meant something. I’ve had setbacks; I’ve backtracked toward the past we intertwined at. From Brooklyn streets to the house that drained my mindset. In a house that’s broken, I’m folding like the framing half awoken. I’d rather be sleeping, but I know September’s Singing. Get the fuck out of bed, there’s more to be said. We all pretend to feel alive, but pleasure’s been dead. I’m your disease, I’m a let down, I’m a fuck up misled. I am the single standing child that you shake off and dread. I left the child in your image miles down the road. I threw away all his belongings to lighten the load. They’ll say I’m sorry for your loss just for conversation’s sake. I abandoned the child that tainted your name.

How else would one truely show their love than a letter covered in blood. Listen dear, I'm really spilling my heart out here. I'll never let go, you'll be the ghost of my home. It's these red roses to which I'm pleading. And when that same color scatters the ceiling. I'll be overcast by your white ghost gleaming. I'll never let go, you'll be the ghost of my home. I'm drifting into a colder air, a bluer vale. Life has never looked this pale. I can clearly see we must find romance through tragedy. I'll never let go, you'll be the ghost of my home.

Violins are playing with these thoughts following behind. My heart cries as tragedy from the past strikes my mind. I never wanted to remember her missed step. She took a plunge falling fingertip away from fingertip. Mrs. Doray looked up with her face messed up. "Please dear, I need a hospital bed. I feel the blood rushing to my head" Her love with no hesitation, checked her in as a patient. "Doctor, I need to hear your words correctly. You miscalculated and calibrated! You found that there was something now when there was nothing two months ago?!" Husband: "She's sick, I cannot take this anymore." Doctor: "This does not look good for her." Her diagnosis is a slight state of consciousness. Watching her daughter cry with blood-shot eyes. Feeding her nothing but bits of ice. "Mother! Mother! This cant go on for too much longer! It's so sad to say but this pain will go away" "I can't believe she's dead and gone! At least her irises keep growing on my front lawn."

Take, take every part of me and throw it out the window. I used to believe in my own dreams, but now that doesn't seem so simple. Cause emptiness becomes a home you learn to live in. I can't seem to make any sense of what is surrounding me now. All the foolish tricks and boring feuds that I've had to bare witness. Make me lose faith in humanity how can we all be so senseless? Where exactly has my head been? I'm not sure of what I think. But I'm so sick and tired of everything disappointing me. And I swear.. That this isn't right, this is isn't the way that someone should live their life. Should I care about the way that things have been? Cause I can barely seem to control them. I've burnt every bridge, and buried myself and locked myself away. I can do this alone, this place, this place is slowly becoming my home. Take take every part of me and throw it out the window. You're a failure and a fool, for what you've grown into. It's all I hear, as it rings out my ears. And I swear.. That this isn't right, this is isn't the way that someone should live their life. Should I care about the way that things have been? Cause I can barely seem to control them. Take every part of me, and let myself go. I've broken in two, so many times before. What the hell am I wasting my time for? I've been prying every lock, opening closed doors. Where has my head been at? Cause all I've loved, I've loved all alone. But when I made this bed, I knew I'd lie in it. I knew I'd spin in circles and do this all time and time again. And I swear.. That this isn't right, this is isn't the way that someone should live their life. Should I care?

No don't put it past me to flee, you know I can hardly sleep. Pacing back and forth while the heartache creaks in the floors, of this apartment. Stuck in the web we started (we're exhausted). I remember the scene, a smoked out room still haunts my dreams. I sweat off the weight of a year wasted in Unit 18. It's a drunken and anxious relief, to be rid of the world on top of me with the end of the lease. Now I'm stuck in this pit, falling through part time shifts. But I haven't forgot how it felt, or that I do this for my fucking self and no one else. I can't spit the words out towards the nights we spent. Hiding from the old friends that we once confided in. I had to escape with my mindset before I destroyed it. And everything I held close to me. It's about time that I realize there's nothing you can tell me, that I haven't told myself.

Black lungs and skeleton hands are trophies of the white collar wearing man. Keep the kids fed. Keep the roof overhead. Pay this month’s rent. Fill your house with shit. Lighten up. At least someday you’ll die. Worms will eat out your eyes. Did you enjoy your life? Or will death be par for the course? Or should I say corpse? Being dead will only beat the dead horse. Life lived in a cubicle casket isn’t life at all. At your boss’s beck and call, how’d you survive this long? Lighten up. At least someday you’ll die. Worms will eat out your eyes. Did you enjoy your life as a corporate slave in your white collar grave? The dirt you’re buried in is the money you’re paid. Life’s so long? You’re dead wrong. We’re here and we’re gone. Life’s so long? You’re dead wrong. The rat race can’t be won. You’re dead wrong. You’re dead.

How many times can I rewrite the page? You know we're not the same. How many times can I rewrite the page? You know we're not the same. And I swore to you I never meant these words. And I swore to you I never meant these words, and I never did. How many lives do I have to erase, to finish one last trade? How many lives do i have to erase? And I swore to you I never meant these words, And I swore to you I never meant these words, and I never did.

You were the son And you were The night And I've read your book Over and over My youth Was apropos// I tried So hard Is redemption on it's way? Our burdens beared I can see it in your teeth You keep running All these years And nothings gonna change And nothings gonna change// I can't Explain How much It hurt Or how disappointed I was// I tried So hard Is redemption on it's way? Our burdens beared I can see it in your teeth You keep running All these years And nothings gonna change And nothings gonna change// I'm not pure In the eyes of the Lord But what do I need His Advice for? Oh, I prey I don't pray And I tried to reach you But it was fiction in disguise// I can't Explain How much It hurt Or how disappointed I was

Written to the buzz of summer heat And winter's harshest creative silence The summer's days have passed since I've laid down in the grass and watched airplanes draw circles in the skies. I'm not a scholar. I can't write this out in the flat gray sky. What is falling out is a blank white page where I scribbled this out in a twenty-cent notebook, and then I ripped it out. "Dear you who reads: In this heart I will keep you. Put a white fence up between awake and me 'cause of the snow in this note you hold. I hope the snow doesn't get to you the way it did me. This coat is buttoned to my throat, and what's on my wrist is just a balled up fist, not an airplane drawing circles in the skies; crossing its T's and dotting i's."

I could go on and on for days Battle myself constantly And never get anywhere Inspiration runs dry I lose the will to even try And I find myself giving up again Intangible questions fill my head And I’m stricken with a feeling of dread And I question my intentions I’ve got an arsenal of words at my disposal But I’ve got no sense of direction All this time searching For a simple melody Looking deep in my heart Trying to find the best in me Putting my thoughts into words I just want my voice to be heard Looking for closure in uncertainty I’m looking for tranquility I’m soul searching Altering my state of mind Doesn’t help me write these songs But it’s become a pastime And these past couple weeks have been Nothing but shitty to me Using substances as a crutch Missing the ones I love And feeling so out of touch And I just want to make a change But it’s so sad when you remain A product of your environment And I just feel so dependant On these things that cripple me I gotta break away And I gotta break free Just take me back to where it began To the very first song That was itching at me to sing a long I just need something to remind me Why I’m here in the first place Just give me something to believe

I've tried so many times to pound the words out in my head, to perfect the things I mean to say words left unsaid and each time I try I seem to come up short of the pain I really feel, about the darkness in my core But you're gone. You're gone. You're gone, and you ain't ever coming back So this should come as no surprise that these things never last I tried to say goodbye I thought it a thousand times The screams ring in my head: "goodbye." The anger boils my blood And I'd rather feel the hatred then not feel a thing at all I told myself I'd cry I said I'd let it out this time To signify the mark you left The imprint on my heart I'm trying to be the best I can; the man I knew you were But the strength inside is dwindling A blessing and a curse If I could amount to anything in this world It would be the highest honor to have your approval To know when you look down on me, you smile and never frown And say; "my boy has never let me down." But if I can't be half the man you were Just send me straight to hell More rotten wood to burn I failed to say goodbye I hope actions speak louder than words Because I never spoke at all One more time beating a dead horse Just knowing what I know now doesn't take away the hurt Damn my soul I've tried to hold my own But all I did was fall Damn my soul Just damn it all You can have what's left of me Because there's not much left at all These are the things I think when the world is silent When the sun sets each night I find myself alone To drown in my own pity And all my darkest fears No one to stick beside me I face this all alone "swing low, sweet chariot."

I guess it's a paradox A question that can't be answered Do I not see my reflection because the mirror's broken Or did I break it because I couldn't see myself anymore? Are my cut-up fists a karmic response? I think i wished this bad luck upon myself It's all coming right back to me now There's no one to blame but myself So it's me who's at fault for every misfortune I keep On my shoulder like a badge of honor, one for every day this week As if it was something to be proud of, as if I'd even overcome Any trial or tribulation I'd fucking put myself through And if you look closely You will watch me shatter, oh You've seen the spiderweb cracks Running through me these last few years Like expectations yours and mine Shards will fall beneath your feet A puzzle you might recognize If you could put back the pieces Even worse than the self inflicted wounds I'm as sorry as I can be Because the gashes in your skin i'd try To nurse are remnants of me You've been on the receiving end of the Debris between you and me And love I'm afraid when it happens The sharp edges will hit a vein But when i hit the ground There will be a beautiful sound And all that's left is to pick up the pieces

1. By the time you have moved close enough for him to hold, you will have no doubt noticed the scars. They were there long before you. While you did not create them, you also cannot fix them – resist the urge to try. 2. He will often be nervous as a slipped stitch, afraid his hands are too full of ocean for you to want to touch. Take his fingers into yours. Show him you are not ashamed to swim. 3. When he kisses you, he will do so as if the first will also be the last. He will kiss you hard. When he is not expecting it, land a butterfly wing softly on his cheek, in the space below his eye. Plant it gently. Catch him by surprise. 4. When he stares down vacant railroad tunnels, his thoughts a thousand yards distant, take care – do not let yourself get lost in the hollow of his eyes. 5. He doesn't honestly believe he is broken. Remind him of this each time he tries to convince you otherwise. 6. When you kiss him, kiss him hard. Use teeth. Catch him by surprise. 7. In his head you are always leaving, from the moment you first touched sparks to palm. If you must leave, do it honest. He is already prepared for a clean kill. 8. He will tell you from the start about the wasps, how they build nests among his thoughts. He fears your reaction to them far more than he ever fears their sting. 9. Sometimes he moves too slow. He is a glacier of spun glass. Beneath the layers is a rocket, primed and ready. Add heat, melt the ice, light the fuse you find there. He will discover his fast soon enough. 10. He will fall in love with you before his voice allows him to acknowledge the fact. To confirm this, look for the first night that doesn't start with him securing an exit strategy for every room, considering the placement of windows and doors, finding safety where his spine runs parallel to every wall. 11. If his limbs grow restless, if his muscles are nervous ghosts and not even the feather of your touch can prevent him from becoming river, let him go. He is searching for the familiarity of motion, not seeking strange comfort in new arms. He will come home in time. 12. Late at night – when others would be able to blame their thoughts on too much wine – insomnia will creep into your bed. It will awaken the wasps, who will try to convince you both that he is broken. Remind him, remind yourself, that this is false. 13. When you kiss him, like every time will be both first and last, like you are unashamed to be seen swimming in the oceans his palms create, catch him off guard – use teeth. Kiss him hard.

Why am I so angry Why is everything falling apart This world has plagued me I never wanted this to start So take it back, every word you've said You put these lies into my head and I don't want to hear them Take it all away Every word you've ever said Was a lie to my face You've took for granted all the ones that you loved You've turned your backs on everyone You don't know who you are It doesn't matter what you believe In the end they'll bury you next to me I am the sinner But you are a fake There is no honor in walking away Just look at yourself Who are you now You are a coward You don't deserve your crown You are no friend to me I only have apathy Bring it back to me It doesn't matter what you believe In the end they'll bury you next to me Look to the sky tell me what do you see There is no hope for us We can't be saved Don't judge me for who I used to be The person I've become is all that I can be Don't judge me for who I used to be The person I've become is something you will never see It doesn't matter what you believe In the end they'll bury you next to me FUCK! This world is cursed This world will burn There is no hope We wont make it out alive

This is my experience, You can’t demand a part. We have nothing in common. And there’s nothing for me to admire you for. You’ve seen one piece. You know nothing. This is not all of me. And you’ll never get to know all. This is my experience. You can’t demand my part. With your presets and molds of what I am. Tell me who you think I am. Tell me who you think I am. Tell me what the fuck I am. Tell me what the fuck I’ve become. Tell me who you think I am. Tell me who the fuck I am. I swear I’m human.

These roots are so much stronger Than you or me could ever hope to be Dip our hands under water Try and wash away what we have made Cause it's hard to watch Hard to watch You go Wish I could say I'm sorry For building bonds we new would break I needed every minute What we had was worth this pain Cause it's hard to watch Hard to watch You go So scared of the darkness With out you around Still I'm putting out this fire Before it burns us both down Cause it's hard to watch Hard to watch You go

~Instrumental~

We are the dirt, shadows of the shadows Too many people (hiding the sun) at the window Sometimes it feels like air is missing No light comes into the basement Our eyes got used to the darkness Sometimes it feels like light is missing But it feels good cause we’re all right here And we’re dancing cause no one’s leaving When the night ends, sun will be rising I’m still complaining, and André’s laughing I’m still complaining André keeps laughing

On a whim last night I climbed to the top of what must have been the highest point in all of the Bronx And from where I sat I saw the Throgs Neck Bridge, my gateway back to home But as the fog rolled in, I saw it swallowed home I think I'm getting back tonight Would you care if I came over? I'm scared I'm starting to forget your highway exit, the warmth of your bed, the touch of your fingers, your kiss on my head I scratch the hours in the wall 'til I can see you again But sometimes my homesick eyes fail to see my feet in front of me Planted firmly in wet cement from the New York City streets This fucking city's got the best of me They say a "Bronx Block" is twice as long But they make you feel twice as far away from me

I don't give a fuck if you listen to Death Cab For Cutie or The Strokes You're so ugly inside and out Letting you into my life was my biggest mistake Not like I really knew you or anything So keep saying your prayers cause you belong down on your knees You're a fucking sheep Take back all the time I spent righting your wrongs and selling myself short Break ties and start a whole new life without you draining my pride All my love was not enough the day you turned your back and broke my trust Even when I try so hard our love always fails You're just as fucking fake as your hair and your nails Though its been a bloody mess I'm glad that you're gone I haven't been this free from your disease on so long I don't want to hear about the club scene in New York City or your cat You're so ugly, you know it's true It's no surprise that I feel seasick when I look at you.

Whorelike hound from hell incarnadine, Reeking sweatish ooze from cancered glands. Slithering slowly through the murky slime. Reaching up your broken twisted hands, Be warned, that I aware your sad birth, In ages past destroyed the peace of man, Now see at last your mortal birth in me, And know I have been servant to your plan. Dear God, bring Grace, light out this beast in me, This thing that snakes and crawls and sees no day. To death bring life, destroy the awful glee, Of pagan lusting brute with one bright ray, One small gleam of hope that somehow I May comprehend the message of the sky.

Constant distraction, no sense of direction, no motivation. I can't get used to this, yet it still lures me in. This fruit is not yet ripe, yet we continue to strip the vine. Creative droughts never harvest words. These things get easier with time. I grind my teeth subconsciously every evening till I fall asleep. This lack of clarity still follows me in my dreams. Shrouded in secrecy I cried an ocean to the page with no one to listen to me. I drown beneath the waves. I'll lock myself in a box of doubt in the hopes that one day it will let me out. (Hey!) I grind my teeth subconsciously every evening till I fall asleep. This lack of clarity still follows me in my dreams. Alone with no one to listen, I drown in my own waves. I dug my own grave. This fruit is not yet ripe, yet we continue to strip the vine. Creative droughts never harvest words. These things get easier with.... Same old story.

I don't know, what I'm running from, And I'm sorry dad, And I'm sorry mom, But this is all I am. And I know, And I'll show its not that simple. Time, hurry up and heal me now, Were the only two inside this I've watched the rest pack move I feel like my welcome is wearing out I've seen the paint you chip away Your fingertips worn down more everyday This house hides the flaws that time creates But they're still there and wide awake And and were trying to shelter ourselves And so we built up these walls Rooftops covering the stars And were wanting, wanting more I don't know, what Im running from, And I'm sorry dad, And I'm sorry mom, But this is all I am. And I know, And I'll show its not that simple

a man and his home: an Obsession: Plain walls -- I've been down here in the dark for too long, looking for beasts. I am become one; I can't find peace. (You're never gonna save me. Not from where you are.)

We take the backroads take the dead end streets not a single soul around here knows what that means with wasted eyes they see something out of reach but before they can grasp it we feel them turn their backs to leave So we'll turn the page again write it off as memories we're not calling this a failure cause we didn't quit, we secede finding comfort in the space where words divide i will build a temple to that place and hide inside take another drink make my night times like these i don't think that i can bother to try take another drag before the sun decides to rise times like these i'm loosing faith like the choice was mine. So we'll turn the page again write it off as memories we're not calling this a failure cause we didn't quit, we secede finding comfort in the space where words divide i will build a temple to that place and hide inside This towns a broken record with the settings on repeat trying to change the pattern left here with something left inside of me the river flows around me it's pulling at my feet i plead out to the water kill me now or let me breathe. the river flows around me it's pulling at my feet i plead out to the water.